


choice.

by CyrusBreeze



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abortion, F/M, Gen, Rape Aftermath, Trigger warnings inside
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 11:49:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18940330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyrusBreeze/pseuds/CyrusBreeze
Summary: Natasha makes one of the toughest decision she’s ever had to make, and Bruce supports her through it.





	choice.

**Author's Note:**

> So I published this years ago and then deleted it because of some triggering backlash I got. That said, I found this chilling in my google docs and figured that this was especially relevant and important given today’s climate. 
> 
>  
> 
> **Warnings: description of abortion, ultrasounds, and other pregnancy things. There are protestors depicted outside of the abortion clinic. There is also a semi-graphic description of gang rape in which Natasha tells Bruce was happened to her. Finally, there is some very minor self blame in addition to some minor guilty feelings.**

She stares at the stick in her hand.  It's one of those new, fancy ones, the one with a curved tip that makes it easier to pee on. It's positive; the smiley face on it seems to be mocking her. 

So many women would be happy to be in her shoes, but holding the test makes her feel like she's dying. 

-X-

The SHIELD OBGYN confirms it. It's the same woman, Dr. Connery,  who preformed Sexual Assault Evidence Kit; the same woman who gave her the Plan B pill. She gently asks Natasha if she wants to see the ultrasound, and Natasha shakes her head quickly. Dr. Connery nods, tilting the screen so that only Dr. Connery can see the screen.

"It looks like you're about seven weeks," Dr. Connery says slowly. Everything adds up. It all fits. Natasha closes her eyes and prays that the tears don't come.

She hears Dr. Connery shut down the the monitor and she feels Dr. Connery remove the wand from her stomach. 

There's something pressed into her hands. It's a paper towel. She wipes the gel off her stomach and she slowly sits up. Dr. Connery stands and moves across the room. She pulls two pamphlets from the rack above her desk and hands them to Natasha. 

Natasha glances at them. The first is, "Parenting, Adoption, and Abortion," and the second is simply labeled Planned Parenthood. Natasha clutches the pamphlets, holding onto them for dear life. 

She needs it. 

-X-

Natasha is curled up in her bed when Bruce goes to Natasha's floor to check on her. Bruce isn't sure what to do. He can't tell if she's sleeping or not because he cannot see her face, and if she is, she needs to sleep. Sleep had been scarce since she came back from what was supposed to be an easy mission seven weeks ago. 

She didn't talk about the mission, and she flinched when Bruce touched unexpectedly. Bruce makes sure to make Natasha aware that he was in the room and allows Natasha to initiate any touching. The nightmares were the worst part. It pained Bruce when Natasha woke up screaming and wondering where she was. It was hard to comfort her, especially not knowing what she had been through, but Bruce understood that Natasha would tell him when and if she wanted to. 

"Natasha," he says gently, approaching the bed. Natasha flinches, and Bruce is careful to stay in Natasha's line of sight. 

Natasha looks up at him. She looks tired, worse than she did before and her eyes are red. She wipes at her eyes and looks at Bruce. 

There's no words exchanged but Bruce can clearly see the pain in Natasha's eyes. 

"I'm pregnant," she says, and it barely comes out as more than a whisper. 

Bruce sits on the bed next to Natasha, timidly offering his hand to her. 

She takes it. "I'm terminating," she says firmly. 

Bruce nods, gently running his thumb over Natasha's hand. "Did you want me to go with you?" He asks carefully. 

"I don't know," Natasha says. "If you want."

"I want to support you, Natasha." Bruce explains. "But only if you want me there." 

There's a thick silence, filling the air like heavy fog. 

"This should've been a happy occasion, a pregnancy, and it isn't." Natasha says. "I can't continue this. I can't."

-X-

The clinic is chaotic. There protestors outside, standing on the sidewalks, holding pictures of aborted fetuses. Some are praying. Their car is approached by a woman in an orange vest and Bruce opens the door for Natasha. The screaming is loud and unintelligible. 

Natasha grabs Bruce's hand. 

"Hi, I'm McKenna, and I'm a clinic escort," the woman in the vest explains. "I'm truly sorry about them, but legally we can't do anything about them." McKenna guides them steadily past the group of protestors. She can understand them now. They're trying to reach out to her. 

It's hard to decipher what they're saying, until she hears a little girl who's _Lila's age_ scream out, "Don't kill your baby." She clutches Bruce's hand so hard that it she fears she'll break it. They reach the doors after what seems like an eternity.

"You'll have to go through a metal detector," McKenna says. "It's a safety precaution. "

The metal director is relatively routine, and a young woman searches Natasha's purse. The woman hands Natasha back her purse and gives her a small smile. 

Natasha checks in. There's a lot of paperwork to fill out. 

The nurses take her back and she talks to her counselor about her decision. The counselor is kind and she lets Natasha talk. Natasha's hands are trembling. How can she do this? She thinks of the people calling her a murderer outside, of the little girl who screamed at her. She's shedding innocent blood. But continuing this pregnancy will kill her emotionally if not physically. 

"Do you still want to do this?" The counselor asks. 

Natasha nods slowly. 

There's blood work, and then they prepare to take her to the operating room. Bruce gives her hand a final squeeze, and Natasha prays that she made the right choice. 

-X-

"They shot me with a tranquilizer dart," Natasha says, when they're both in bed two weeks later. "SHIELD thinks that it probably would've been strong enough to knock and elephant, and that there's no way I could've fought it."

Bruce realizes what story she's telling.

Natasha takes a deep breath before continuing. "I woke up completely tied up, pretty efficiently, and naked. I think I knew it was coming. It happens often to female agents." Natasha voice sounds tight, almost choked. 

Bruce gently strokes Natasha's hair. "You don't have to finish," he says. 

"There were seven of them, I think," she says slowly. "They took turns. I wasn't anything more than an object to them. They didn't care."

Bruce's heart clenches, his fingers gently weaving themselves in Natasha's curls.  

"I couldn't be pregnant," Natasha says. "I couldn't stay that way. I was terrified. And I keep thinking about the protestors outside, and I keep wondering if it's my fault that I did this." 

"It's not your fault," Bruce says. "You didn't cause it and you didn't deserve it." 

"I caused the abortion," Natasha says. 

She's shaking. 

"I know it was the right choice for me," Natasha says. "But it felt like the only choice. It felt like somehow I wasn't strong enough."

"Natasha," Bruce says. "You are the strongest person I know, and it took a lot of strength to make the decision you did.” He squeezes her hand again. 

Natasha inhales and exhales slowly, evenly shed at peace with her choice, and that’s what matters. 

The silence that follows is comfortable. It covers them like a blanket. 

It is hope. 


End file.
